


A Mission Like No Other

by duchess93309



Category: The Losers, The Losers (2010)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-07-08
Updated: 2011-08-31
Packaged: 2017-10-10 11:04:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/99048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duchess93309/pseuds/duchess93309
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you get when you mix The Losers, grocery shopping, and the 4th of July?  Find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mission Launch

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own them...I only wish I did.  
> Just something that popped into my head to gnaw at my brain.

The mission was simple: get in, acquire the supplies, and get out, minimal damage was preferable. The fact that the mission was getting groceries for their 4th of July barbeque was just a small detail. June and Jolene had revised the list three times before the men were allowed to leave. Aisha opted to stay and help Julie practice her headers for soccer camp.

Pooch hated the van most days. It was big, ugly and no matter what he did, guzzled gas like it was going out of style. Today, however, he loved the fact that the van was huge. The gas thing still got on his nerves, but you couldn't have everything.

With Mojito on the dashboard, Pooch was ready to go. If only that were true for the rest of the guys. Cougar was ready, but he was always ready first. The real problem was Jensen. He kept insisting to Clay that he needed his laptop for the mission.

"What if we need to get surveillance footage?" Jensen asked.

"We're going to the store Jensen, not infiltrating an enemy stronghold," Clay growled.

Evidently this was not enough of a reason for Jensen to quit arguing. As Jensen took a deep breath to begin his next tirade on why his laptop was essential, Clay quickly grabbed him around the waist and threw Jensen over his shoulder.

"Wait! What are you doing?" Jensen squeaked.

"Getting a move on," Clay responded.

Pooch and Cougar shared a look as Clay dumped Jensen into the back of the van.

None of the guys noticed Jolene, June, and Julie laughing on the front porch. Or Aisha hiding a grin behind her hand as they pulled away from the house.


	2. Steps 1 and 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're not mine. If they were I'd keep Jensen and Cougar in bed with me...forever!

Upon their arrival to the store, Pooch and Clay found two carts for transportation of their supplies. "Let's start with the produce," Clay said.

"The list says: one head of lettuce, two heads of cabbage, four large carrots, a five pound bag of potatoes, and the largest seedless watermelon you can find. Note: No melons with seeds. Remember what happened last year!" read Pooch.

"Why do they call them heads? Are we eating the brains of the cabbage and lettuce people?" Jensen asks.

"Maybe they're called heads because they look like decapitated heads when they grow out of the ground," Pooch mutters.

Cougar remains silent as he picks out the cabbages and lettuce to place in their carts. Clay shakes his head at the argument, seeing it for what it truly is, a teasing argument between brothers.

"Just because I wonder why we call certain things by certain names doesn't mean you have to be so pissy when giving me an answer," Jensen says with a pout as he tosses the bag of potatoes into the cart.

"I'm not being pissy! It was just a stupid question," Pooch exclaims from his position by the carrots.

~Meanwhile back at the house...~

Jolene and June have been lounging in the sun with Pooch's pup asleep in the covered playpen, watching Aisha coach Julie.

"Now you just have to hit the ball with your head," Aisha says.

 

Julie stands prepared when Aisha tosses the ball at her. After the ball connects with Julie's head she glances up in time to see it collide with Aisha's nose. "Oh no! Aunt Aisha, I'm so sorry," Julie exclaims as she rushes toward Aisha.

Aisha pulls her hands from her nose with a grin. There's a small trickle of blood dripping from her nose but the glint of pride in her eyes makes up for the slight tinge of pain. "It's fine Julie. That was a great shot," Aisha says gently. "Let's take a break, get something to drink, and then we'll practice some more," Aisha said.

~Back at the store~

The guys reached the watermelon display at the same time as another customer. She was an older woman with short blue-gray hair and a cane hanging from the handle of her cart. Edna was looking forward to taking a watermelon to her mahjong game that night. She never suspected she'd have any trouble getting it.

Jensen spots the last seedless watermelon and quickly reaches for it... at the same moment Edna does.

"Hey! This is my melon," Edna exclaims as she tried to tug the watermelon from the blond computer tech.

"I need this watermelon ma'am," Jensen says as he holds the large melon firmly.

"There're more watermelons over there," Edna explains as she points at the other display.

"Yes, but those have _seeds_," Jensen exclaims as if that explains everything.

 

*The Year Before*

"This potato salad is great Jolene," Clay says with a saucy grin.

"Thanks Clay. It was my Grandmama's recipe," Jolene grins in response.

Pooch smiles at his wife, only to flinch when something hits the side of his face. Quickly, he wipes his face to find a watermelon seed.

"Where the heck did this come from?" Pooch yells as he looks around. June and Julie are swimming in the pool. Cougar is sitting with his feet propped up on the railing that goes around the porch. He tilts his hat up at Pooch's scrutiny and flicks his eyes over to the table where Roque and Jensen are sitting.

Roque is trying hard not to laugh as Jensen tries to hide the evidence. Jensen tries to hide his plate of watermelon under the table before Pooch can see, but fails. "It was an accident man," Jensen says with his hands up.

"Accident my a- butt. This means war," Pooch says while grabbing a large wedge of watermelon.

Soon there are seeds flying everywhere and the only ones not involved are the girls who have retreated to the far end of the pool. Eventually they run out of ammunition and the girls emerge from the pool. There's a seed stuck to Clay's right cheek, one on the tip of Pooch's nose, one on each of Roque's ears like earrings, one on Jensen's forehead like a bindi, and Cougar is completely clean. Julie and Jolene laugh hysterically.

"You do realize that you are going to have to pick up every single seed," June says between chuckles.

"Yes ma'am," the men chorus.

*Today*

"I'm sure we can find some way to compensate you for taking the last seedless watermelon ma'am," Clay said diplomatically.

Edna's eyes light up when they spot Cougar's hat. "If you give me that hat, I'll hand over the watermelon. My grandson would love that hat," Edna proposes.

"No," Jensen all but growls at the old woman. "That hat is not a part of any deal."

 

The look of quiet relief in Cougar's eyes makes Jensen's determination to get the watermelon even greater. Quickly Jensen tugged the massive melon out of the woman's hands and replaced it with a ten dollar bill.

"Here, go buy yourself a regular watermelon on me," Jensen said as he deposits the much sought after watermelon into Pooch's cart.

Edna stands blinking for a moment, but by the time she is recovered from her shock the Losers were gone.

 

*Around the corner from the watermelon displays*

"Gracias," Cougar says quietly to Jensen after quickly kissing his cheek. "No problem," Jensen replies dazedly.

"Next on the list are condiments including: ketchup, mayonnaise, and Auntie May's Mild Mustard," Pooch read from the list.

"Easy," Clay stated.

"Or not," replied Jensen as he took in the scene on the condiment aisle.

There were bottles everywhere. The shelves were a mixed up mess and that mess had spilled onto the floor as well. The only bright side was that there were no spills on the floor.

"Start a search pattern boys," Clay said as he slowly picked his way through the shelves in search of the necessary items.

After a few minutes of searching...

"Found the ketchup," Jensen called.

"Got the mayo," Pooch chimed in.

Cougar and Clay continued to look for Auntie May's Mild Mustard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will the boys find the mustard? Is there anything besides produce and condiments on The List?


	3. Jealousy and Mustard

AN: This is just a little peek to get me back into the swing of things. Unbetaed...let me know if you want to beta for me. :D  
*denotes thoughts*

 

After five minutes of searching with no sign of the mustard, Pooch and Jensen stopped to come up with a new strategy.

"Well, there's a sign for it right on that shelf," Pooch said as he pointed at the sign proclaiming "Auntie May's Mild Mustard $2.99".

"Why don't we just ask that guy in the green vest," Jensen proposed as he gestured toward the twenty-something trying to clean up the aisle.

Cougar and Clay continued to search as if nothing had been said.

~Meanwhile back at the house~  
Parker Ulysses Porteous had woken up from his nap. The cries coming from the playpen startled Aisha just enough that she moved into the path of the soccer ball that Julie had just bounced off of her head toward Aisha.

"Crap," Aisha moaned covering her right eye.

"Oops."

~Back at the store~

"Excuse me. Do you think you can help me find something," Jensen asked the young man in the green vest in his most polite tone.

The sales associate, whose name tag declared him to be Mitch, carefully examined Jensen as he slowly stood up. *Black high-tops, worn blue jeans slung low on slim hips, and a tight pink t-shirt that proclaims "Go Petunias!" that has been stretched tightly across a well muscled chest... some facial hair, full lips, sparkling blue eyes that are hidden beneath round frames and spiky blond hair...All in all...HOT!*

"Of course, Mister...," Mitch responded fishing for a name to go with that gorgeous body.

"Hey Jay, have you found it yet," Pooch called from further down the aisle.

"Not yet. Give me a minute," Jensen replied.

"What is it that you're looking for," Mitch asked please that he'd found out a name for the hunk standing in front of him.

"Auntie May's Mild Mustard. Try saying that five times fast," Jensen responded, "We've looked all over this aisle but it's nowhere to be found."

"Oh, come with me sir," Mitch said as he grabbed Jensen by the wrist and began to tow him down the aisle.

Further down the aisle, Cougar tensed.


End file.
